


only fools do what i do (only fools fall)

by sweetnsourjoon



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Comfort/Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Multi, Poly Relationship, chan is the best leader ever i will fight everyone, changbin sucks at feelings, changhyunlix, i dont know im bad at this, non sexual subspace, what other tags do i add i dont
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-26
Updated: 2019-01-26
Packaged: 2019-10-16 08:46:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17546432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetnsourjoon/pseuds/sweetnsourjoon
Summary: changbin doesn’t know when he fell in love with them. it feels as though he’s loved them for a while, maybe before they debuted when they were still trainees. it only hit him when he watched them cuddle up to each other that he was immensely infatuated with both hwang hyunjin and lee felix.





	only fools do what i do (only fools fall)

**Author's Note:**

> hi so uhhhh this is my first fic on archive and uhhh id just like to say thank you to my wonderful and amazing gf for beta-ing my fic!! ty bby ily!! 
> 
> and ty for reading this! it means a lot really <3333

changbin doesn’t know when he fell in love with them. it feels as though he’s loved them for a while, maybe before they debuted when they were still trainees. it only hit him when he watched them cuddle up to each other that he was immensely infatuated with both hwang hyunjin and lee felix. 

it hurt though, to be in love with the both of them. he knew they were in a relationship, he knew they were happy, and he wasn’t going to get in the way of that. he didn’t want to ruin the beautiful bond that they had created. besides they were only teenagers, changbin will get over them eventually and find someone else later in his life. he’ll continue to pine after them, wishing and hoping that he will have a chance to be with either one of them. but, honestly, he wants them both. he wants to take both hyunjin _and_ felix on cute dates, buy felix ice cream _and_ buy hyunjin a beautiful bouquet of roses. he wants to fall asleep sandwiched between them and leave tiny kisses all over their faces. he just wants them, however they may come. 

but he knows he can’t. changbin knows it’s impossible to have all of that with only one of them, never mind both. he’s thought about whether to tell chan about his inner turmoil or if he should just keep it a secret from everyone. he knows he can trust chan with this secret, but is it worth it? is it worth it if nothing will come out of it? what will happen other than the knowing looks sent his way by his leader? nothing, there will be no end result in telling anyone, so it’s better if changbin just kept all his pent up feelings to himself. 

a low, deep voice called out next to him and snapped him out of his thoughts. he turned his head to look at felix, who was looking at him with concern. “are you alright? you spaced out for a bit.” 

“yeah, yeah i’m fine. just thinking about the performance last night.” he replied looking down. it was a good cover up, seeing as changbin stumbled and messed up a little bit of their choreography because he could’ve sworn he saw hyunjin wink at him. it was probably just a trick of his mind, he shouldn’t have let it mess him up. 

“stop thinking about it, it’s okay that you messed up, it’s not your fault.” 

changbin nodded, not saying anything else. stupid selix, so kind and understanding all the time, making his own stupid life so much worse. stupid hyunjin, so adorable and sweet. stupid both of them, so beautiful and amazing overall. 

speak of the devil and he shall arrive. 

changbin didn’t know if he was excited to see hyunjin, or if he wanted to die now that he was in the room. the other immediately sat next to felix and began hugging and cuddling him. changbin felt like he was suffocating, seeing them so happy together, his chest tightened, and he couldn’t breathe. it hurt so much to see them together, so happy, just enjoying each other’s presence. changbin didn’t feel like he belonged, he didn’t deserve to see them like this, he didn’t deserve to feel like his heart was ripped out by the two people he loved most. but he still felt like he needed to claw at his throat and beg them to let him breathe. he had to leave, he couldn’t be there anymore. he gathered up what little strength he had left and stood up, towering over the two, but he’s never felt smaller in his life. 

“i uh…i just remembered, i actually, uh i actually have to go do a thing. yeah, i have to go...” he said in a rush, cursing himself for stuttering. he all but ran to the door of the room, hearing felix call out for him to wait, but he couldn’t be in that room any longer, he just couldn’t, he needed to get out as soon as possible. 

 

 

he didn’t see the other two again for a few days. granted he was blatantly ignoring them, going as far as to request some days off, telling a manager that he wasn’t feeling good and that he thought he had a stomach ache. obviously, he didn’t, and he didn’t want to worry the others for no apparent reason. so he told his manager not to tell the others. he just needed to breathe for a little bit. changbin couldn’t stand to see them and hurt so much for any longer. he contemplated even leaving the group, but he couldn’t do that to them. they needed him, and he wasn’t just going to leave them. but that didn’t stop him from wondering what would happen if he left the group. would they be happy? would they cry over him? would they feel relieved that they don’t have to worry him anymore? however, thoughts of their pre-debut days came into his head. when felix was eliminated and had to leave the group. changbin had held felix close to him, crying with him. he saw how the others had reacted when both felix and minho had to leave but is that how they would react if he left? they had been through so much together, changbin couldn’t possibly leave, not because of some stupid feelings he happened to harbor. 

the door of his room opened, and he jolted when he saw chan standing there. 

“hey binnie, can i come in?” he said in that stupid calming voice he always seemed to have when he was worried about someone else. changbin didn’t want to talk to anyone, be by anyone, think about anyone, but he knew chan was only there to help him. 

“yeah sure.” he said sitting up on his bed more, the older coming to sit on his bed. he didn’t like the way chan was looking at him, didn’t like the look in his eyes like he knew what was going on in changbin's head 

“so you’re not sick,” the younger widened his eyes at that, but tried to relax, “but there is something wrong. i saw it in the practice room when hyunjin walked in. you know you can tell me anything, right? i won’t tell anyone, ever, if you don’t want me to.”

what chan was doing was noble. he’s the leader of the group, and he wants his members to trust him and be there when they need to tell him something. changbin admires that, he really does, and he loves his friend for everything he’s done for the entire group. and he knows he can trust him, he knows that. and he knows chan would never judge him for it. chan always said that you can’t help who you fall in love with. 

“actually, there is something wrong.” changbin started, ready to tell him about the secret he’s been hiding for months now. 

“do you want to share with me? you don’t have to, i won’t push you.” chan said, staring at the younger. 

“yeah…yeah, i want to share...” changbin whispered and began to tell chan the entire story, from when he started liking felix, to when he fell in love with hyunjin, to when they started dating and it became harder on him. the other listened, just sitting back and nodding along while changbin spoke word after word, and at some point, he began crying, which he hadn’t realized until chan pulled him into a hug, and then he began sobbing and choking on his breath. he felt the older rubbing his hand on his back and he took a deep breath and tried to calm himself down. 

“i’m sorry, I didn’t want to start crying,” he said looking down at the tear stains on chan’s shirt, “oh god and i ruined your shirt, oh no i’m so sorry.” changbin began fussing with the shirt, grabbing tissues and trying to dab the stain out.

“binnie, calm down, it’s okay, i have about 20 other plain white shirts, don’t worry about it.” chan soothed, trying to get him to calm down. it was working, changbin felt safe in the other’s arms, felt safe in his presence. in all honesty, if he wasn’t so caught up on hyunjin and felix, he’d probably be pining over chan. but chan has been looking at woojin a lot, which isn’t surprising. they have chemistry, and a lot in common too. they work together, they’re compatible, like two dads taking care of their children. the thought made changbin even sadder, breaking out into tears once more. 

“hey, hey what’s wrong? What were you thinking about?” chan asked, looking at him in the eyes. they were so nice and calming, changbin felt so safe, comfortable just sitting in this silence and staring in the other's eyes. he loved chan. but not in the way he loved felix or hyunjin; no that was a romantic way like he wanted to love them and kiss them and snuggle them and give them roses and be with them. the love he felt for chan was one hundred percent platonic. yes, he wanted to snuggle him, but it was more brotherly love than anything else. 

“nothing, i’m just, i’m so glad to have you,” changbin said. he saw the older give a soft smile, and he smiled himself. everything could be alright if he had his members by his side. 

 

it was five days after his talk with chan that he decided his feelings couldn’t stop him from being with his members. although it hurt him so much to see the two of them together and happy, even without him, he knew he couldn’t let that get to him. in all honesty, changbin would rather see them happy without him than not seeing them at all. and that’s what brought him to the practice room, where everyone was preparing for their upcoming performance. they didn’t really need to practice; they already knew the entire dance. but the manager said since changbin had messed up last time and was out for almost a week, they needed to practice the entire line up again. 

however, nothing could prepare him for the heartache he would feel when seeing felix and hyunjin again. he thought the week away would help him, he thought talking to their leader would help, and he thought thinking about anything but them would help. nothing seemed to ease the pain he felt, seeing them so happy, so in love. but, he had to choke it down. he couldn’t let the pain stop him from being with his family. the people he loved most. 

he couldn’t stop stealing glances at the two of them. it was hard not to stare at every single one of felix’s freckles. it was hard not to want to kiss every one of them. it was hard not to stare any time hyunjin laughed and it was hard not to think he looked like an absolute angel. it was even harder not to look at them when they acted all coupley and cute together. it was hard for changbin to look away. 

he should’ve looked away. he should’ve minded his own business when he saw felix lean in. he should’ve gone back to what he was doing, and not continued looking as the two of them kissed each other. he shouldn’t have looked in the first place. he shouldn’t have caught feelings, he shouldn’t have gotten close to anybody again. he knew the risks he took when he got close to people, when he trusted people. he knew he was just going to end up getting hurt and feeling like shit for days on end. he was still looking, even after they separated. he didn’t expect them to look at him, but when they did, it was like something in him finally snapped. he may have felt suffocated before, but this, this was so much worse. he actually couldn’t breathe, like he was trying to but he couldn’t get air in without his lungs, his chest, or his head hurting. he felt dizzy, and he needed to get out. 

he turned to his manager, who was talking to chan, and they both looked his direction when they felt his gaze, and they nodded. they saw the entire thing. 

changbin has never ran faster in his life. he ran out of that room, he ran all the way to an empty meeting room and closed the door. in the room, there was a giant, oval-shaped table with chairs all around it. on the other side of the room was an empty coat closet, one he’s hidden in before. he went in there, closed and locked the door from the inside, and finally let himself cry. 

it wasn’t even five minutes before he heard someone calling his name. he didn’t want to talk to anyone, he didn’t want to see anyone…and now that he can tell who was calling him, he especially didn’t want to talk to him. 

“changbin! binnie, please i just wanna talk!” he heard hyunjin yell. he could tell the other was right outside the meeting room’s door, and he hoped he wouldn’t come in. however, fate wasn’t on his side today, and the stupid door opened. he heard the other walking around a bit before his mind drifted. what would he do if hyunjin found out? would he tell felix, and everyone else? would he laugh at him, mock him, and tell him it would never work? how could changbin ever think that anything was going to happen? a poly relationship with two people who have been in love for so long? the entire company would look down on them. he couldn’t do that to the two of them. he cared too much about them to see them hurt so much. but how did he know they were even going to consider adding him to the relationship? did they even accept that? were they even poly? did changbin really expect anything to happen there? 

before he could even register it, he had already choked up and let out a loud sob. he realized the noise he had made, and covered his mouth, crying harder. he heard a loud sigh before footsteps approached the closet and there was a knock on it. he stayed quiet, well as quiet as he could when he was sobbing his heart out. 

“c’mon binnie, i know you’re in there. please come out and talk to me.” hyunjin whispered. changbin waited, hoping he would go away. he didn’t want to talk to him, mainly because he didn’t know what to say. he heard a small thud, and could almost see hyunjin’s shadow on the door. he was sitting against the door, and somehow that made changbin cry more. 

“felix isn’t here. i told him to wait for me. i really need to talk to you, well we need to talk to you. and i understand if you don’t want to see me or talk to me, i just want you to listen, okay bin bin?” changbin nodded, but he realized that hyunjin couldn’t see him and let out a small ‘okay’. 

“great,” he heard the other let out a sigh, one of relief, “binnie, felix and i…we’ve been together for a while now. almost three months, to be exact, and it’s been the best three months of my life. but, lately, and by lately i mean in the last month, we’ve both felt as if there was something missing. like the center puzzle piece was gone and we didn’t know what to do. we were still very much in love, and we still are. i wouldn’t trade felix for anything.” hyunjin stopped and it was as if changbin could feel him smiling, and it hurt. it hurt a lot. 

“why are you telling me this?” changbin whispered, pain laced in his voice.

“you need to know. you also need to know that felix and i know about you and your feelings for us.” he felt his breath hitch, and he almost started sobbing again. “before you start crying again, it’s okay binnie. we don’t hate you for it. now, would you please come out so i can ask this to your face and not a door?” hyunjin laughed, and changbin chuckled slightly. it was amazing how hyunjin could make him laugh, even when he was feeling so worthless and useless. 

he reached up and unlocked the door, seeing the other move away as soon as the noise was heard. the door then opened, and light flooded into the small closet and changbin could see hyunjin standing there, looking like an angel while he looked down at him. he saw the smile vanish off the younger's face, probably because of his red and puffy face from crying.

“oh no, my poor baby, come here,” hyunjin pulled him into a hug, rubbing his back and whispering sweet nothings in his ear. “i’m so sorry, we didn’t mean to make you cry, please stop crying, i can’t stand to see you so hurt” changbin buried his face in the taller boys neck, breathing in and just enjoying the warmth he’s being wrapped in. he barely registered that hyunjin had called him a pet name.

“wait…” changbin pulled away slightly and looked up at him, “did you call me baby?” hyunjin looked at him with wide, scared eyes. 

"yes, why? do you not want me calling you that?” he said, with a hint of worry in his voice, like he was worried the other would say no. 

changbin shook his head. “no, I do, it’s just, aren’t you with felix? wouldn’t that be cheating?” 

hyunjin laughed, throwing his head back. “oh my binnie, my precious baby binnie. you still haven’t put it together?” he asked, and changbin shook his head no. hyunjin smiled the widest smile ever like he was hoping the other would say no. 

“changbin…do you want to be my boyfriend?” he asked. changbin’s eyes widened, and he sputtered as his face flushed. 

“w-what? i don’t…why would you, aren’t you still-“

“with felix? yes. i am. do you want to be his boyfriend too?” 

changbin had no idea what was going on. hyunjin and felix were together, they couldn’t possibly both want to be his boyfriend, no that was just crazy, no one wants to be his boyfriend, no ones that dumb. they just felt bad because they knew about his feelings. 

“oh look at you and your cute face, trying to figure this out,” hyunjin said, caressing his cheek. “felix and i… we want you to be a part of our relationship.” 

changbin looked into hyunjin’s eyes, trying to find something, anything, that would say it was a joke or that he wasn’t serious. all he found when he looked into the other boy’s eyes, was something he’s never been looked at with before: love. 

“you’re not…you’re not joking?” changbin finally asked, his face blushing an even deeper red. hyunjin shook his head no, breaking out into a wide smile as changbin nodded fervently. hyunjin pulled the older into a tight hug, spinning them around before pulling back slightly only to lean in and kiss him deeply. changbin was feeling a flurry of emotions, but relief trumped them all. he was relieved he didn’t have to suffer such pain anymore, he was relieved that things were finally going right in his life, he was relieved that the two boys he’s loved for so long, were finally his. 

 

after hugging and kissing for what seemed like hours (which was really only a couple minutes), the two made their way back to the practice room, holding hands the entire time. as soon as they walked in, changbin could see felix sitting on the ground. he looked up at the two, then at their clasped hands and the biggest smile changbin has ever seen graced his beautiful face. felix jumped up and ran to the older, pulling him into a hug and squeezing him tight. changbin looked at hyunjin to see him smiling like a complete goof at the two of them. felix grabbed the older's face in his hands, turned his head, squished his cheeks, and pecked his lips. 

“i’m so glad you’re my boyfriend now,” felix exclaimed, pulling both him and hyunjin in for a hug. 

changbin doesn’t know when he fell in love with them. it feels as though he’s loved them for a while, maybe before they debuted when they were still trainees. it only hit him when he was sandwiched between the two, in the most loving embrace of his life that he was immensely in love with both hwang hyunjin and lee felix.

**Author's Note:**

> okay so thank you so much for reading!!! if you'd like to talk to me about this fic or cry over how beautiful and amazing chan is, pls follow me on twitter @skzjoons and on instagram @sweetnsourjoon 
> 
> don't forget to comment and leave a kudos pls! it would mean so much seeing as this was my first fic on archive :((
> 
> so uhhhh ive decided to write two more parts???? yeah so look out for that


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